did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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