I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
