She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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