I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
