He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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