So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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