Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
