He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
