We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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