Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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