I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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