There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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