You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
