at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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