Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
