Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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