Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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