The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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