Welp...herpes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
