Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
