I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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