if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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