there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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