all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
