After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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