At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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