I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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