we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I color on your dick again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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