I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
