They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize