You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
