"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo