She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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