I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.