dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
