I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME