Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
