Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
