According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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