yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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