Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
