Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
