I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize