remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
