you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
