During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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