Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
