Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
