Don't make out with my wife yet
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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