Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
