I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
