I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
