so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
