so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no you cant smoke seaweed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
