The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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