I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
