Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
