Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
