First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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