best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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