Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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