dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
