what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
