think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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