I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
