You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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