What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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