Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
