No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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