they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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