yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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