So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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