I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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