how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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