her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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