he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
